Powered By Innovation: a Single-Question Morale Survey for Airmen

Coro o Taco

Senior Air Force leaders generally dig Tops in Blue, or at least they say they do. Airmen generally abhor the group. The searing heat of their seething discontent about the group’s manifest mockery of the mission and the wasteful means of its folly can be felt by anyone paying modest attention.

The Secretary of the Air Force recently queried every major command in an effort to ascertain the opinion of the rank and file on whether to continue funding the itinerant gaggle of sequin-adorned blatherers. We want to make sure the Secretary has as much relevant data as possible, especially since the survey she conducted didn’t have much time and depended on a chain of command not known for efficient communication.

To that end, we’ve innovated, boiling this whole, noisy issue down to one clear question. The way we see it, this is simple: TiB, or Taco?

If you’re an ordinary airman (or a colonel or general harboring secret feelings), would you rather attend a Tops in Blue “performance” or enjoy a nice, zesty taco free of charge?

Your answer could save taxpayers millions, or at least free up those millions for alternative wasteful spending on something less embarrassing.

You see, Tops in Blue rings up a deafening price tag of roughly $10M annually. This is, admittedly, an estimate since the Stalinist tactics employed by the group’s publicity staff include active stonewalling of any insightful questions, including and especially anything about the level of monetary waste involved in their officially sanctioned and taxpayer-funded jackassery. But we’ve done the math and the estimate is solid.

The price tag of giving every one of the service’s 307,000 airmen a free taco, on the other hand, is a comparatively paltry $610,000. (Even with sour cream, the cost would be just under $673,000). So it’s cheaper. Much cheaper. Plus, everyone gets a taco. And no one has to go to the TiB show. And 36 airmen go back to their jobs, where they are sorely needed. And they get tacos too. And public affairs has one less distraction to talk about. And no one violates uniform standards by parading around the world under the Air Force banner dressed up like Elvis, or a minion, or fille de joie from a prohibition-era New Orelans speakeasy. And C-17s are no longer required to piss away millions in flying hour costs hauling TiB around the world so they can inflict themselves on coerced crowds of taco-starved airmen.

Even better, canceling Tops in Blue would create enough cash flow to fund the free taco program for approximately 16.9 years (again, depending on the sour cream option as well as the rate of taco inflation). Conversely, continuing Tops in Blue for that many years would pile up a massive expenditure so huge it could purchase a single F-35, or at least an engine.

Only you can decide a question this important. 

Follow this link to answer the single survey question. We’ll track the results and report them on facebook.

Assuming we get at least 50,000 responses, JQP will send the Secretary of the Air Force an official letter outlining the proposal on behalf of airmen and the taxpaying public.

Don’t let your fellow airmen down. Freedom is just three mouse clicks away.

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